🎶 It’s the hap- happiest season of all! 🎶
Somehow that song conveniently leaves out the fact it’s also an unbelievably stressful time.
Your to-do list is daunting and, no matter how much you get done, it never seems to shrink. There’s the decorating… doing your gift shopping while trying to eat lunch… organizing teacher gifts… trying to get your family card out on time… finding a babysitter so you can attend holiday parties that are actually for adults… wrapping presents (but not until after the kids go to bed)… all on top of the normal things that have to get done. Heaven help you if you’ve got an elf shelf-hopping in your home.
And let’s not forget kids’ mid-day winter pageants and having to coordinate child care during the two weeks of winter break. For a lot of moms, it’s like PTO gymnastics (which probably just reminded a few of you that your kid has actual gymnastics tonight).
Don’t get me wrong. It’s truly wonderful to see the holidays through your kids’ eyes and know that lifelong memories are being made. They see magic. But what we do isn’t magic — it’s labor. And in most households, that labor is unevenly distributed.
This edition of The First Word is all about microfeminisms and how they can help change the game, not just to help share the workload with your partner but in breaking the cycle on a societal level.
Microfeminisms Are the Remedy for Holiday Burnout
Microfeminisms are small, intentional actions we take to challenge gender norms in everyday life: at home, at work, and in how we raise our kids.
I’m not talking about grand gestures here. And I’m not talking about getting your birthday off from doing the laundry. Microfeminisms should be daily habits that shift ownership of certain tasks, and starting small is the whole point.
Maybe it’s parents taking turns on school communications. Maybe it’s rotating who’s on point for basketball practice or who’s owning the gift tracker this year. Maybe it’s addressing or signing a card with the woman’s name first instead of her husband.
Care Work as Human Work
This isn’t just about lightening our individual load. It’s just as much about what your kids see.
Raising my two sons, Sai and Shaan, it’s important to me and my husband that we’re not just actively co-parenting but that we’re modeling that behavior for our boys. You can’t raise boys into equality by crossing your fingers and hoping they do the right thing — you teach it by example.
For us, that means showing household labor is non-gendered. It doesn’t matter if it’s cooking, cleaning, laundry, caregiving — those are “things we all do.” That’s true for the two of us, but it applies to the boys as well. We push them to notice what needs to be done and not wait to be told to help.
We also talk openly about the invisible labor that we’re both doing to make everything happen every day so they know that when things go to plan, it’s not just good luck. I want to make sure they see the planning, the execution, the remembering, and the emotional labor that are needed to make each day go smoothly. It’s important that they appreciate what their mom does for them and it’s just as important that they see their dad do it, too.
I imagine parents of young girls feel the same way. We want our kids to see equitable decision making and responsibility because that’s what we want them to expect in their own households some day.
Of course, microfeminisms aren’t just about household duties. It can be exposing your kids to experiences and interests without attaching gender labels — whether it’s art, sports, or hobbies. It can be gentle pushback on a statement like “That’s for girls” or “Boys don’t do that!”
Microfeminisms can look like proactively choosing books, shows, and toys that feature strong girls and emotionally aware boys to demonstrate that kindness and warmth can be boys’ traits and that girls can be ambitious, incredible leaders.
This Stuff Works at the Office, Too.
While we’re at it, think about introducing microfeminisms at work, especially in December when performance reviews and holiday parties are common. For instance:
- Ensuring women don’t end up the default note-takers or party-planners
- Crediting women for their ideas in meetings, especially when they get “borrowed” by someone else
- Flagging when a woman gets interrupted and redirecting the conversation to ensure she has a chance to finish her thought
- Normalizing caregiving constraints and responsibilities without penalty.
This isn’t about being confrontational; it’s about constructively correcting gender norms that too often are perpetuated throughout society.
Source: Reddit
Tiny Acts. Lasting Change.
Look, microfeminisms can’t solve all our problems but these things have a way of adding up. Small changes can change expectations. Shared responsibility at home can fuel equity at work. Cultural change often precedes policy change. And it makes sense: Gender norms have been ingrained over generations. We can’t begin to dismantle them until we stop normalizing the imbalance.
We’re all doing our best, and I know that, especially this time of year, there’s a desire to give a little extra elbow grease to make things extra special. Keep in mind that sharing the load with your partner won’t diminish your ability to make holiday magic — in fact, it’ll give it room to multiply.
These microfeminisms are tiny gifts to ourselves, and they’re also life lessons for our kids, a signal to our workplaces, and steps toward the future we’re trying to build together.
Source: @sheisapaigeturner – TikTok
Action Center
From Microfeminism to Collective Power
You’re probably already thinking about one microfeminism you can introduce in your own home or workplace. Share this concept with other moms and let’s get started on these important small shifts.
But let’s get real: Moms shouldn’t have to fix a broken system, and we certainly shouldn’t be tasked with doing so one act at a time. Practicing microfeminisms is how we survive day to day. It takes collective action to redistribute power throughout society.
We need a way to make moms’ stories — and the exhaustion we all feel — impossible to ignore. Yes, let’s acknowledge the magic moms make, but let’s agree that it deserves structure support — not just likes on social media.
Moms First is making a documentary to tell the truth about motherhood in America: not just what needs to change, but how to actually get it done. Right now, you can help that film get made through one of these ways:
- Share your written story with us through this form
- Send us a video testimonial
- Make a donation of $25 (or make a gift on someone’s behalf)
- Sign up to host a screening when the film premiers this Spring
This isn’t just about making a donation or sharing your story — it’s about helping co-create a cultural reckoning. And I can’t wait for you to see what we’re working on.
Every year around this time, we gather as a team to reflect on what we’ve built together, map out what’s ahead, and share traditions, laughs, and a few genuinely great recommendations.
We’re sharing this not to sell you anything but because moms deserve honest recommendations from other moms. The kind that acknowledge how full life is, how tired we can be, and how meaningful the small things often are.
Self-care that actually works:
From drugstore staples like CeraVe night cream and a truly elite foot mask, to a SAD lamp that gets us through dark winter mornings and an almond hand cream that delivers aromatherapy while quenching dry skin.
Mom hacks that lighten the mental load (even a little):
All-gray kids’ socks (no matching, no regrets). Monthly mini photo books that get pictures out of your phone. A system for kids’ art that honors the memories without taking over your kitchen.
Kitchen heroes we rely on:
Mini rice cookers that never fail. Immersion blenders that do it all. Fancy ramen that turns into a five-minute dinner everyone actually eats. And popcorn done properly — with nutritional yeast and spice, always.
Kid stuff that earns its keep:
A Yoto Player that makes bedtime calmer for kids and parents. Thoughtful book series that grow with your child. A quarterly history magazine that feels special instead of clutter-y.
Small luxuries (and a few splurges) we don’t regret:
From under-$25 sunscreen and deep-tissue neck massagers that punch way above their price, to noise-canceling headphones and stunning journals we’ve been loyal to for years.
Here’s to rest where we can find it, laughter where we can make it, and giving ourselves permission to step away when we need to.
I’ll be taking a short break from writing The First Word for the next two weeks — logging off, recharging, and spending time with family and friends. I hope you’re able to do the same in whatever way feels right for you.
We’ll be back with a bang in 2026 — energized, excited, and ready for what’s ahead.
Wishing you rest and joy,
Reshma Saujani