You know something’s not right when, as a parent, you feel like you need to protect your kids from seeing the news.
We’ve spent years teaching our little ones that it’s not OK to call someone names on the playground and that kindness is strength, not weakness. But what do they think when the same behavior that would get them detention gets a grown-up elected?
This week alone, the latest government shutdown showdown has become another stress test for our country and another reminder that dysfunction has replaced dialogue. Leaders are name-calling, grandstanding, and holding millions of families hostage in a political tug-of-war.
And just days ago, leaked messages from a Young Republicans group revealed hundreds of racist and sexist texts. Rather than denounce it, Vice President JD Vance brushed it off as “youthful indiscretions.”
The world is meaner these days, and our kids are watching. Parents are left with whiplash trying to set a positive example all while public bullying isn’t just permitted, but seemingly rewarded.
I don’t have any foolproof solutions to make society a kinder place. But let’s take time together in this edition of The First Word to explore how to navigate this climate as parents, identify what’s really going on under the surface, and figure out how we can talk to our kids about all of it.
When the Grown-Ups Are the Bullies
Cruelty has become a currency in our public life. But this meanness isn’t random, it’s strategic. It’s a lot easier to divide people than to unite them, and politicians on both sides know it. When voters are angry, they’re easier to manipulate.
The result? We get caught in an endless “us vs. them” cycle while the real problems go unsolved.
Prices are rising and it’s getting harder just to keep our heads above water. People want someone or something to blame, and politicians know that finding a scapegoat — the other party, a minority group, “wokeness,” etc. — looks a lot like leadership to people who are desperate for answers.
The actual roots of our problems, of course, can’t be reduced to one group of people or one source. Families are struggling because we have a network of busted systems and a lack of structural support to help keep us afloat.
It’s wrong that 40% of parents are going into debt to pay for child care. It’s wrong that 73% of American workers don’t have access to paid leave to take care of a newborn or a sick relative. But when lawmakers are rewarded for treating the other side as the “enemy,” they’re not incentivized to work across the aisle to solve these problems. And so they don’t.
The Trickledown of Cruelty
This tone doesn’t stay confined to Capitol Hill. It trickles down into school board meetings, workplaces, and dinner tables. On social media, it’s even worse. Spend time on Facebook, Instagram or X/Twitter and you’ll quickly see why research shows that being toxic online is self-perpetuating. Nasty posts get more engagement so the algorithm shows them to more people. That doesn’t just encourage the user to repeat the behavior — it models it for everyone else.
For moms, it’s exhausting. Many of us already feel pitted against one another in a motherhood culture war: stay-at-home vs. working, gentle parenting vs. tough love. These false divides are distractions, too. We’re all struggling under the same impossible systems, and we’ll only move forward by fighting for each other, not against.
Talking to Our Kids (and Ourselves)
In this unkind world, how can we raise kind kids?
It starts with open dialogue and modeling the behavior we want them to emulate. The Child Mind Institute has resources to help kids deal with bullying in their own lives. The American Psychological Association suggests the IDEAL Model for parents to help their kids resolve conflict. And Harvard’s Making Caring Common Project has toolkits for talking about online hate speech and helping kids process current events.
Still, it’s hard to lead with empathy when you’re running on empty. Each of us is wrestling with the emotional toll of witnessing all this hate and division on a daily basis. Doomscrolling is hard to avoid. Speaking personally, every time I encounter a video online of ICE taking someone off the street or when I see tear gas used to break up peaceful protestors, I feel it, too — the fear, the anxiety, the helplessness.
The World Our Kids Deserve
We can’t protect our kids from every harsh truth about the world. But we can show them how to respond to it.
When they see cruelty, let’s be their example of compassion.
When they see division, let’s model solidarity.
When they see bullies, let’s remind them that empathy is the bravest thing of all.
Action Center
Tell Us How You’re Talking to Your Kids
We talk a lot about the power of personal stories. This week, we’re working with a reporter who wants to hear from parents — especially immigrant moms — about how they talk to their kids about ICE and fear. If that’s you, or someone you know, we’d love to hear from you.
And if this issue resonates, forward it to another parent who’s trying to raise kind kids in unkind times. Because the more we refuse to give in to cruelty or despair, the closer we get to building the world our kids deserve.
In Case You Missed It
NYC Mayoral Debate Is Tonight
Tonight at 7 p.m. ET, the NYC mayoral candidates will face off in their first debate of the general election. The moderators get to decide what questions are asked — and what’s left out.
If we don’t speak up now, the candidates could dodge one of the most urgent issues facing New Yorkers: the child care crisis. If you haven’t yet signed our petition urging debate co-hosts WNBC, Telemundo and POLITICO to ask the candidates how they plan to prioritize child care, it’s not too late to add your name.
The debate stage is our moment to make sure child care gets the attention it deserves. Let’s make it impossible to ignore.
New York Daily News Op-ed
Child care in NYC is broken. Parents are leaving work or cutting hours because care costs too much or isn’t available. Businesses lose talented workers. And the city loses $23B every year.
I co-authored an op-ed in the New York Daily News with Kathryn S. Wylde, CEO of the Partnership for New York City. We lay out practical, scalable solutions that actually work: expand pre-K, streamline regulations, and make enrollment simple for families.
Some days, I catch myself feeling numb — like all this vitriol has just become background noise. But then I think about what our kids are seeing, and I realize we don’t have that luxury. They’re learning from us in real time.
So let’s keep showing up. Not by shouting louder, but by leading with more heart. That’s how we change the story.
With empathy and courage,
Reshma Saujani