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I want to start this week by handing the reins over to Megan from Ridley Park, Pennsylvania, who shared her personal story with Moms First:

“After the birth of my third child in 2021, we had arranged childcare during my pregnancy to ensure a smooth return to work. However, the chosen center was a poor fit, causing us to have to leave when my son was 13 months old.

In an attempt to find alternative care, I contacted 26 childcare centers within a 25-minute radius, only to discover they were all at full capacity. Some workers even laughed, suggesting I should have called upon learning I was pregnant.

The shortest wait time was nine months for the most expensive program, which also had poor reviews. The reputable centers had waitlists spanning 1.5 to 2 years.

As a self-employed therapist, I adjusted my hours, resorting to working very part-time during weekends and evenings when my husband returned home. This drastic reduction in hours has caused significant financial strain and has impacted my relationships with my husband and children. We now spend all our time either parenting alone or working.

Compounding this issue is my profession as a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health. Due to my own child care challenges, I have been forced to turn away many mothers in need of support. These difficulties are not isolated; they converge to make motherhood in America incredibly stressful.

The mental health of mothers in this country is profoundly affected by the childcare crisis, the lack of paid leave, the mental load on women, workplace sexism, and health care issues. Ironically, I am a professional meant to support mothers, yet these same issues hinder my ability to provide care. I am filled with rage at the lack of support for women in a country that preaches family values.”

 
I’ve read hundreds of first-person accounts that sound just like Megan’s.

Exhaustion. Rage. Guilt. Exasperation. Isolation.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so let’s talk about the fact that mental health care is out of reach for too many Americans, especially women. About 20% of moms screen positive for postpartum depression (PPD), and half of those who have PPD don’t receive any treatment. That’s a sign that something is broken.

And right now, millions of moms in America have one thing in common: Depleted Mother Syndrome.

Depleted Mother Syndrome is not something you’ll find in the DSM-5 (yet), but I guarantee that every mom who read that definition above immediately recognized what we’re talking about — in ourselves and in our mom friends.

Some tell-tale signs of Depleted Mother Syndrome include physical symptoms like fatigue (no matter how much sleep you get), lowered immunity leaving you more susceptible to colds and flus, wild swings in appetite, headaches and back pain. Then there’s the more insidious stuff like constant mom guilt, mom rage, and feeling both overwhelmed and emotionally numb.

I can see some of you nodding along right now. We all know what it’s like to have our stores of energy, optimism, and patience wiped out.

That’s why we have to put a name on it. Naming it makes it tangible. It gives us the framework to understand this as a phenomenon, to measure it, and to address it head on. But naming it also says something else: This isn’t all just going on in our heads. It’s really happening, and we refuse to accept it as normal or OK.

To me, the most important part here is to assign blame where it belongs. Depleted Mother Syndrome is not a personal failing — it’s a structural crisis. It’s what happens when unrealistic cultural expectations, decades of policy failures, and systemic neglect collide and leave a heaping pile of pressure on moms.

Here’s the thing: Feeling these things doesn’t make you a bad mom — it’s natural to love your kids, to love motherhood, and to also wish you could experience the joy without drowning in stress. With the risk of sounding like Robin Williams’ character in Good Will Hunting, I want to say this to every mom out there on repeat: “It’s not your fault.”

I’m serious.

No amount of luxurious bubble baths or fancy self-care rituals is going to fix this — not without real policy solutions. And while this is undoubtedly political, I refuse to accept that it’s in any way partisan to fight for paid leave or affordable, accessible, quality child care.

I’m begging leaders across the country to understand that Depleted Mother Syndrome is a mental health crisis for both Democrats and Republicans.

Remember when the Surgeon General issued an advisory declaring parental stress as a crisis that “require[s] the nation’s immediate awareness and action?” It didn’t specify red states or blue states. Every parent, no matter how they vote, deserves the freedom to show up for their kids without having to sacrifice their well-being in the process.

That’s why Moms First is so dedicated to these policy fights. Just because the system wasn’t built to support caregiving doesn’t mean we should stop fighting to build a system that does.

Let me wrap this up by addressing the moms who can’t wait for those victories — the moms who are drowning in it right now. You need to know you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

I’m including some fantastic resources. Start there. Reach out for help and do what you can to get support.

 
It’s all about awareness. More people need to know about Depleted Mother Syndrome, and understand that society is failing moms. Here are some simple places to start:

  • Just scroll up and hit forward. Share this issue with some fellow moms who might benefit from reading it.
  • Speak up. Tell your story (and be sure to tag @momsfirstus) on social media to help break the stigma surrounding mental health.
  • Check out these resources from our friends at Kate Spade.  

  • Moms First Survey: We want to learn more about YOU — what you care about and how we can better support you. Your answers help shape the future of this movement. Take our brief survey.
  • Article: AT&T is piloting a summer camp program as workers’ childcare needs evolve (HR Brew)

  • Conversation & Cocktails at Max Mara: Join us in NYC on May 21, 5-7pm, for a fireside chat with me, moderated by EJ Dickson, senior culture writer at The Cut. Guests will receive 30% off their Spring 2025 Max Mara purchase, with 10% of proceeds benefiting Moms First. Come for the cocktails, stay for the movement. Seats are limited. RSVP today.

 
Check out what people are saying about Moms First in the news:

If this message resonates, you’re not alone — and we want to know more about you. We’re listening. Take a minute to fill out our short survey and help us shape a movement that truly reflects the voices and needs of moms everywhere.


We’re fighting for better, together,
Reshma Saujani