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With Father’s Day around the corner, I’ve been thinking a lot about men, boys, and the kind of world we’re raising our sons to grow up in. As a mom of two young boys, I want them to believe that tenderness is strength — that they can cry, care, and still lead with confidence. This week’s First Word is personal…because this fight for our sons is one I feel in my bones.

 
Boys Are Struggling. We Know, Because We’re Their Moms

“Mommy, why do you always talk about girls?”

My son asked me that a few years ago, tugging on my sleeve after I gave what I thought was a rousing feminist commencement address. At the time, I dismissed him and told myself, “He’s too young to get it.” But the truth is, it was me who didn’t get it.

For over a decade, I built Girls Who Code to show young women they didn’t have to be perfect to be powerful. But I rarely asked what boys needed. I didn’t stop to think about how our culture is teaching our sons to be stoic instead of soft, to control instead of connect.

And now, I see the consequences of teaching boys to hide their emotions — on the playgrounds where they’re told not to cry, and in politics where power often looks like dominance.

The boys are struggling. And as their mom, I’m struggling too.

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve seen the headlines. Boys are falling behind in school. Fewer are graduating college. More report feeling isolated, anxious, or like no one really knows them. And according to a new New York Times article, boys are now entering kindergarten less prepared than girls.

We’re raising a generation of boys in a society that tells them their emotions are weaknesses and their worth is tied to dominance or detachment. And when they turn to the internet for answers, many are not met with empathy, but with algorithms feeding them misogyny, rage, and extremism.

Just look at the news stories over this past week: a public feud between President Trump and Elon Musk turning into a spectacle of ego and insults; the National Guard and Marines deployed in LA. Powerful men are modeling conflict as strength, while our sons watch and learn the wrong lessons about leadership, emotion, and manhood.

As Gary Barker of Equimundo said at our Future of Fatherhood Summit, “75% of young men believe no one cares if they’re okay. Two-thirds say no one really knows them.” That’s not just a parenting problem. That’s a societal failure.

We’re Moms. Of Course We’re Worried.

If you’re the mom of a boy, you’ve probably had the same tug in your gut. You see how tender they are. You see their big feelings. You want to protect that softness from a world trying to harden them.

I remember driving home with my boys recently, when my older son started crying in the backseat. I asked all the usual questions: What’s wrong? What do you need? He looked at me and said: “Sometimes you cry because you feel like crying.”

That moment gutted me. It reminded me that our boys feel, even when the world tells them not to. And it reminded me that we, as mothers, have to fight for their right to stay tender even when everything around them pushes them in the other direction.

We’ve spent years telling our daughters to be brave. It’s time to tell our sons that being emotional is brave too.

What Screens Have Stolen from Our Sons

If you’ve been watching your son slip away into screens — quieter, less engaged, more anxious — you’re not imagining it. Psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt has spent years studying what he calls “the anxious generation,” and at our Future of Fatherhood Summit, he laid out what’s happening to our boys in stark terms. (Watch his recorded session at minute 20:00)

Around 2011, something changed. Across the globe, rates of anxiety, depression, and social disconnection began to surge among young people. The result? A total rewiring of childhood.

For boys in particular, the problem isn’t just social media — it’s a dopamine-driven ecosystem that replaces real-world goals with fast digital rewards. Think: video games, endless YouTube clips, and Tik Tok reels. These aren’t just distractions. They’re engineered addictions that dull motivation, damage emotional development, and hijack attention spans.

Instead of climbing trees or building forts, boys are chasing algorithmic achievements. Instead of laughing with friends under the sun, they’re watching avatars move on a screen alone in their rooms. And instead of learning risk-taking and resilience through play, they’re told — by both culture and tech — that their worth is tied to control, dominance, or withdrawal.

Haidt put it plainly: We’ve replaced childhood with apps. And our boys are paying the price.

While moms have led the global fight for smartphone-free childhoods, parents also need to step up in a different way: by restoring independence, adventure, and risk to our kids’ lives. That means chasing your son around the yard pretending to be a monster. Letting him climb and fall (safely). Pushing him to try hard things. Giving him room to be brave without you.

Because the truth is, we’re not just raising boys — we’re trying to save boyhood itself.

Want to Raise Better Boys? Uplift Their Dads.

Here’s the hard truth: We can’t do this alone. Moms aren’t the only ones shaping the emotional lives of our sons — dads are, too. And right now, we’re not supporting fathers the way we should.

Too many dads are punished for taking paternity leave. Too many still face stigma for being caregivers. And too often, we fail to recognize how much many dads are actually doing, but data shows that millennial dads are doing more caregiving than any generation before them.

At Moms First, we believe when we uplift dads, we uplift moms and we strengthen families. Because it’s not just moms who are drowning in the chaos of child care. It’s not just moms paying the tariffs on the essential products our babies need. It’s all of us. And when dads are in the fight with us — for paid leave, for affordable child care, for family-first workplaces, for a culture that truly values caregiving — everybody wins.

This is about building a world where gender isn’t a battleground, but a bridge. Where dads are seen as nurturers, not just providers. And where our sons see tenderness, empathy, and care modeled for them: at home, in school, and in society.

The Culture Is Changing. Policy Needs to Catch Up.

Right now, our culture and policies are stuck in a time warp. Congress is pushing “pro-family” policies that only recognize the “nuclear family”: married, heterosexual, male breadwinner, stay-at-home mom. But as we all know that’s not the reality for most families.

Our world is full of blended families, single moms, co-parents, same-sex parents, grandparents raising grandkids — and yes, fathers who want to show up. It’s time for our policies to reflect that. Accessible, affordable child care. Paid leave for all parents. Mental health support for caregivers. These aren’t “women’s issues.” They’re family issues. They’re economic issues. And they need to be addressed now more than ever. Our country literally depends on it.

So if we want to raise kind, confident, empathetic boys, we have to invest in the people who raise them. That means seeing fatherhood as a strength, not a sacrifice.

To All the Moms (and Dads) Reading This

You’re not imagining it — it is harder to raise boys right now. The noise is louder. The stakes feel higher. And the loneliness and feelings of isolation — on both sides — is real.

But I still believe in connection. I believe in the power of moms and dads showing up for each other. I believe in raising boys who cry, who care, who become men that lead with love. And I believe that when we fight for policies that support all families, we get closer to a world where no one has to choose between caregiving and survival.

So as Father’s Day approaches, let’s celebrate the dads who are stepping up. Let’s demand a system that has their backs. And let’s raise our sons to be soft, not stoic.

About Last Week…

Last Thursday, we hosted our first-ever Future of Fatherhood Summit and wow, did it hit. From honest conversations about masculinity and mental health to big, brave ideas about what it means to show up as a dad today, it was everything we hoped for and more. Because let’s be real: we can’t win the fight for moms if we leave dads out of the story. Watch it now.

I want to extend a big thanks to our scrappy, powerhouse team at Moms First for pulling off this event — the same crew behind the policy work, the organizing, the IG reels, the emails, PaidLeave.AI and everything in between. 

If you’ve felt moved, inspired, or just fired up by Moms First, help our team keep doing the work — donate today.

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We’re raising boys who will change the world — if we build a world that lets them. Thank you for spending time with me this week and being part of that.

 
Gratefully,
Reshma Saujani