We’ve talked before about how AI is transforming workplaces and government. But what we haven’t addressed is how it’s changing how our kids grow up.
What started as a novelty has become a constant companion. Our kids are turning to AI chatbots not just for homework help, but for advice, friendship, even comfort. And as parents, we’re scrambling to keep up with a technology that’s rewriting the rules of connection faster than we can explain it.
This week’s First Word is a reality check and a reminder that it’s on us to help our kids understand what’s real, what’s not, and why no algorithm can replace the messy, human work of friendship, empathy, and love.
Parenting in the Age of AI: When Technology Becomes a Companion
Here’s a stat that made me sit up straight: 72% of teens say they’ve used AI chatbots as companions, and more than half say they do so multiple times each month.
That’s right.
Our kids aren’t just using AI to help with homework. They’re asking for advice, leaning on it to solve problems, even just shooting the breeze. In fact, 31% of teens say they find conversations with a bot as satisfying or more satisfying than those with their IRL friends. And 19% say they spend equal time or more time with those AI companions.
Why It’s Easy to Fall for a Machine
Look, I get it. Think back to your teenage years. Imagine you had a friend that was always there, night or day. They don’t just listen — they seemingly know everything there is to know and they keep the conversation going, offer help, and joke around with you. You can tell them anything and they’ll never judge you. Now, don’t tell me that doesn’t sound like something all of us would have signed up for in a heartbeat.
The trouble is in how blurry the line can get, and fast — the more you chat, the more the connection you’re making can start to feel real. Even adults are struggling with this, and some tech platforms are eager to exploit the gray area. On my Substack, I went deep on X’s recent introduction of Ani, a flirty chatbot designed to provide users with encouragement, affection, and even explicit intimacy on demand — all for the low, low price of $30 per month. It’s… a lot to think about.
To me, the danger here isn’t that there will be an epidemic of people falling head over heels for a computer (although there will always be outliers.). It’s what these frictionless relationships teach us to expect from one another — a sycophantic romantic partner that never interrupts, never disagrees, and conveniently has no needs of their own.
That’s not remotely realistic or healthy, and we’re talking about adults here. But for our kids — whose brains and social skills are still a work in progress — it can get scary fast, especially when they’re leaning on these bots for emotional support. A University of Cambridge study found that kids are particularly vulnerable to “missing the empathy gap” — mistaking the eerie similarity to human behavior as authentic. That’s a big problem because, as Michael Robb at Common Sense Media put it, “We don’t want kids to feel like they should be confiding or going to AI companions in lieu of a friend, a parent or a qualified professional.”
A Heartbreakingly Real Example
We’ve already seen how it can go tragically wrong. The suicide of Adam Raine is enough to keep every parent up at night. After his death, his parents found the 16 year old’s Chat GPT log. He’d discuss all sorts of things with it, from girls to politics. Most disturbing, he’d been talking with the bot about ending his own life for several months. And though the AI offered empathy and encouraged Adam to find reasons to hope, it also gave him advice on committing suicide and even actively dissuaded him from leaving hints about his plans that his family might discover.
The truth is this technology is being developed at warp speed by people who have little to no training in child psychology. The bots present as experts in practically everything, and people, especially kids, trust them. We’re seeing a whole host of ways that can get out of hand, from deep fake videos getting passed along as news on social media to AI-generated celebrities gracing the tabloids.
What Parents (And Everyone Else) Can Do
As moms, it’s our job to worry about who our kids hang out with. The problem now is that it’s not just kids at school or strangers online — it’s the bots in their pockets.
I want to be clear — we don’t need a moral panic here. And I promise you, the founder of Girls Who Code isn’t turning into a Luddite.
But everyone has a role to play to make sure our kids are safe. Schools should prioritize AI literacy and train teachers to spot problematic use. Companies need to proactively safeguard their technology — from age verification to usage limitations to crisis intervention. Lawmakers need to regulate this technology to prevent it from becoming a runaway train, and incentivize the development of positive, responsible chatbots.
We deserve guardrails. And as parents, we need to talk openly with our kids about AI and its limitations. They need to know that being human means we can’t outsource the hard stuff. Real connection isn’t frictionless. It’s messy. It’s brave. And most of all, it’s worth it.
Action Center
Protect Kids Before AI Shapes Them
When I talk to other parents about how they’re handling AI, I sometimes get a real deer in headlights reaction. I get it. This issue is overwhelming, and it’s natural to feel like the technology is moving too fast to keep up with.
Let’s lean into that anxiety, and be human about it.
Here are some things you can do today to help yourself and others wrangle with AI.
- Talk to your kids about how they’re using AI — and show them how it’s useful to you (and how it’s not!)
- Join other organizations in pushing policymakers and platforms to build child safety into AI from the start. Check out Common Sense Media, 5Rights Foundation, Safe AI for Children Alliance, and Fairplay for Kids.
Last Chance to Give to Keep The First Word Going
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Today is DAF Day!
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Get Child Care on the Debate Stage
NYC’s first mayoral debate is October 16 and we can’t let candidates ignore the child care crisis. Join Moms First in calling on debate moderators to ask: What’s your plan to make child care a priority in your first 100 days as NYC Mayor?
In Case You Missed It
United Federation of Teachers Launches NYC Childcare Navigator
Finding childcare in NYC is notoriously difficult — and expensive. Yesterday The United Federation of Teachers just launched the NYC Childcare Navigator, the city’s most comprehensive, one-stop platform connecting families to more than 12,000 childcare options across all five boroughs.
It helps parents instantly see if they qualify for free or low-cost programs and walks them through how to apply. It also serves as a model for how unions, tech innovators, and local government can come together to solve the childcare crisis.
There’s no playbook for raising kids in the age of AI — but then again, there’s never been one for motherhood either. What our kids need most isn’t perfect advice; it’s us. Imperfect, human, and there when it matters.
For all our kids,
Reshma Saujani